| Go ahead |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|11:29 pm] |
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Speak up. Your "anonymous" comments are weak. Why don't you just go ahead and say who you are. Why don't you stop wasting the time trying to fuck with me and tell me everything. |
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| Please. |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|05:43 pm] |
Feed me your lies. Tell me the latest rumors. I want to hear them. I want them all. They are what keep me going. They are what fuel me to be better than anything you can ever be. Hide the truth from me. Look me right in the eyes and watch me breakdown simply because you wanted to know why I "hate everything so much".
So go ahead. Feed me full of your bullshit. You're the people that give me life. |
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| For the thought of it. |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|05:31 am] |
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Caring will get you no where. So please give me something to place my faith into. |
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| Excuse me, I'm drunk. |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|05:36 am] |
Yeah. So you have someone who likes you. Woohoo. You probably like him too. You don't give a damn about me. You looked straight into my eyes and saw me break down and saw my fucking heart break. And you acted like it doesn't mean a damn thing. You said once you loved me, but after the other day, you proved it doesn't mean a damned fucking thing.
Alright, so edited part of this. I'm drunk, ok. So what. This is what I'm reduced to. I love you, to fucking death. But I've now seen the real you and I love you ever the more but it hurts. You already moved on. I guess that's anotehr fact that I have to accept.
"If I load this gun will you hold it to your heart and give your life for love?" I know I would. |
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| And today I saw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|02:49 pm] |
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
It's time for you to concentrate your attention on all the little things that you've overlooked. Let's face it: you don't always clean up as you go and now details left untended may come back to haunt you. It is easier to make your list and start on it today than it will be in a couple of weeks when the stakes will be higher.
"Why do you hate everything so much?" |
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| It's time... |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|09:43 pm] |
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Open your eyes and ears for I have something I have to say. Something I need to do. You just won't see it as well as everyone else. You won't hear me screaming so loud the world can hear me. |
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| Think about it. |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|03:47 pm] |
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Aries (Mar 12 - Apr 19)
You are more sensitive than usual and you could even feel a bit uncertain about what you are doing. Still, opportunities for positive change are increasing and if you don't take a chance soon, it may be too late. Don't disregard your intuition, but then again, don't let your irrational fears stop you from making the most of the current situation. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|04:52 am] |
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Acutally, you'll see what I mailed you. And you won't give a shit. You won't even be the least bit rational. You won't give a good goddamnit what the fuck happenes between us. Either friends or what have you. Or if I even live. Way to make me feel like shit again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|04:51 am] |
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Either be fucking rational, or just don't give a shit. I believe that you're already leading toward the ladder. And you honestly don't give a fucking shit. Excuse me for being drunk. But you just called me at random. And I asked for you not to do that. Thanks a lot for following what I asked. And thank a lot for proving I'm a HUGE piece of shit that means nothing to you. |
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| One thing a letter could not say. |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|02:27 pm] |
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Let's be rational. Let's see it from each others points of views. Chance shoes for a bit and see how the other honestly feels. Not be blind to evertyhing. Not be deaf to everyword spoken. And follow the heart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|03:02 am] |
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I just need direction with this situtation. Anyone care to give me anonymous tip? |
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| "I'm not the one pulling the strings any longer." |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|12:14 am] |
This is me. This is everything I have and everything I am. I'm not giving up, I'm not moving on, I'm just numb. I make a friendly and nice action and I get told to "fuck off". For what? I don't know. I know I've fucked up in the past and the last time we spoke it didn't end so well. But now you've honestly taken control of everything. You've taken every way on contact away. You've blocked me out completely. Congrats? I really don't know what to say.
Someone once told me....
" Yeah...
But... I realized I was a hypocrite for just saying it's over. Because if you remember what I said when we first met, about how I'm adamant on a relationship being a two person thing. Two people have to make the choice to start, so it's not fair one person makes the choice to end it without talking about it.
So I kind of betrayed myself... but I'm still upset."
I just wish that still stood true... I wish that "talking" wasn't a one sided thing. Me talking to myself pretty much. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall when I try to talk to you about this shit.
"Christopher Holewski:
You once told me: "The way a relationship works is; both people must want to be in the relationship. When both people want it, then no matter what happens in their lives, how far apart they are, how many fights they get into... everything is still in place with them, they both love each other, and those other things become insignificant"
I live by it.
You said you really thought about what I said when saying that two people chose to make a relationship work, and it's not fair one person can make it end... well really that was just a modification of what you had told me... I got that idea/belief from you.
That... I live by that. Not just in relationships but also in friendships and family matters.
And again with relationships"
I hope you read that. I hope you think deeply about that. Those thoughts have been hanging over my head recently...
You are still my motivation. But not for everything anymore. It's my turn to do things for myself. Not to get a job to prove something to you. Not to finsh school to prove something to you. Those are for me. Those are my goals. And I'll be damned if they become another failure. I refuse to fail. I refuse to lose everything that I hold close. I refuse... |
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| My thought process as of late. |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|11:55 pm] |
When was the last time you can honestly say you were happy? Without a problem or care in the world? I can only remember few of those in recent memory and they were short lived. Cornerstone and those few months I got lucky enough to spend with the most beautiful girl in the world.
Anyways...
I hate this. I hate the way the world is going. I really do. I know that in 2 years I'm going to have to make a decision that will effect my life. I know that my opinion really doesn't matter, it's the population as a whole, but still. I would like to think my decision counts for something. I'm talking about voting. I am not one to have a political opinion. But as of recently, I'm started to look into it. Everyone at one point has talked shit about President Bush, I know I have. But thinking about it. He's doing everything in his power that he can right now. He just doesn't seem very fit for the job he has been given. But hey, no one is perfect. He almost died via pretsle, come on now!
I know that I'm going to have to vote soon though and I don't want to show up to the polls and not know what the hell to check off. I've been looking into the whole issuse a lot recently.
Alright, this rant is over for now. I might add more once I have my dose of caffine. |
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| I know you won't read the words I say. But maybe this will make you see. |
[Aug. 9th, 2006|04:39 pm] |
Don't leave yet
it's still early and I haven't even said a word
and I'm hoping that I might upset you by saying what I want to
'cause it's not like you don't know I've fallen for you
but it's in my head and that's where you can't see it
and I thought that maybe if I had to bite the tips of my fingers
I could stumble over words
and tell you just how far before I hit the ground
and I'm the type to think of all the wrong things to say
and I will shut myself up and I'll never come out-
I'll close all my doors and only show you the black spots
where my eyes once were-
I can say this-
I can collect myself deep down and then come out punching
and I'll scream out loud. |
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| I can't give up.. |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|03:12 am] |
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Nor can I let myself give in. But this is honestly to hard. I would rather die trying than give in. This is the most important part of my life and I'm not going to ruin it worst than it is by giving up on everything I strive for. I have a hope, a love, and a passion for what I am doing now. And come hell or high water it will happen. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|04:00 am] |
You suggested a Saves The Day cd for me to listen to because it helped you threw hard times. Funny how it makes me just want you more. And more of a reason why I should be with me.
Maybe this is a pointless entry because I'm drunk. But I strongly stand by the fact that I would rather die than give up on this. I just wish you would see how much you really mean to me. |
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| "Point your fringer trying to place the blame." |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|11:45 pm] |
I don't really have much to say. Life is the same. I just have a job and that keeps me busy. But working 3 hour days sucks. I'm not going to get paid shit for barly working anytime at all. But oh well. Damn training.
Work tomorrow from 6-9. I get to work with Joe so I'm happy about that. Just so long as he doesn't call out or anything. Havn't hung out with him in awhile.
Damn this blah feeling. |
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| Excuse my bleeding heart. |
[Jul. 29th, 2006|05:11 am] |
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As much as that might seem to hurt, and granted, it did. That call put a hope in my heart and a smile on my face with tears of joy. |
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